my daddy..

my dad.. 

my daddy died six years ago today.. it is so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that i have not touched my father's hand or heard his voice in 6 years..

i always feel a little blue this time of year.. i can so easily go back to the last week he lived in my mind, although, thankfully, the details are becoming a little more blurry every year.

it seems so silly to let one day speak for all my father's days here on earth.. so i won't. his life was much, much more than this day.

when he died, after a very courageous battle with cancer, i went home and started writing in a journal that my dear friend of forever, Casey, gave to me. instead of writing down my feelings (which was way too exhausting at the time), i wrote down everything i could remember about my dad so that one day i could tell my child all about him.

looking back at this list, i can't help but smile and take a lesson from my dad. my dad was really good at the big things. along wth my mom, my parents provided for us, gave us a roof over our heads, made sure we had everything we needed.. but it is not the material things i wrote down about my dad. here are a few..

he coached every team i ever played on and several of my brothers

he came to every dance recital with flowers.. that he would hide under the seat

he made the best scrambled eggs

he said things like, "shoot for the moon so if you miss you'll land amoung the stars"

he had nicknames for us.. lanny was "tiger", i was "calliebear", hannah was "hannahbanana" and suzie was the "twosie"

his hair was always perfect

he was always wearing shoes

he loved playing golf

he always smelled like dial soap

we went camping together.. and he actually entertained the idea of me being a rock climber :-)

he made up songs for us

he used the word "squirrel" as "girl", to the point that i thought he really couldn't say girl

we had a secret handshake

he did a great donald duck voice

he hated when anyone else was driving but him.. but patiently taught me to drive a stick

he moved me in and out of the dorms at college

he always took the time to read the words to songs in the cd covers.. i particulary remember dave matthews and hootie and the blowfish (he he)

he helped my mom (who, no doubt bore the brundt of his illness and stayed stronger than you can imagine or i could ever describe) pick out where he would be laid to rest

he helped pick the songs and readings at his funeral

he made me feel safe

i always knew he loved us

i always knew he was in love with my mom

these are just a few things i can tell you about my dad. i could write forever... and i so cherish that list i made. it reminds me, that as a mom, it is the little things that will make robert feel special and loved. it's the silly times and laugh out loud moments that count.

i miss you, dad. everyday. i hope you're happy in heaven. i would love for you to have known my son. i show him your picture all the time in the family book carolyn made. thanks for watching over us.